Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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