I need help removing her.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
