Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
