Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
