He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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