So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i out mim tonsoeep
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