Can i not drive my cunt home
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
