best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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