just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
