I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
