I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
