Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
