return my video game
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
