new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
