It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
