I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
