we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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