i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
