Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
A+ Viking dick
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
