Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
