dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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