Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
