Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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