I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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