there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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