i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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