He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
