dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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