SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
