I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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