just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
