So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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