I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
