Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
