I feel great
I just peed on a car
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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