She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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