I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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