Moan for me like Helen Keller
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
