She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
