how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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