T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
