I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Im part way to drunk.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
