i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
