what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
