I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
