apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
