a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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