you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
