i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
