i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Vodka?
Forever.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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