Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
